Pray for me so that I can fly higher towards the sky of succsess

// Saturday, 24 December 2016
I was listening to Melly Goeslow - Jangan ajak ajak dia. While i was listening to the song, my mind was waving away to the day where i was in despair because i really want to talk to him so badly. I guess, I was really immature because I was thinking he was the one for me and unfortunately all of it was a rubbish. My mind at that was all about thinking it this my faults for him leaving me like this? Is this my wrongs of treating him in a harsh ways? I went crazy as I start to wanting stalking his whatsapp, I even googled on ways of hacking others whatsapp account. I mean, to what extend could I am crazy over him until I was planning on doing that? I could say, he ruined my eid celebration with my family and I am too stupid for letting him ruined the happiness in my life. Why? because he left me a thousand of feelings that make me want him so bad. I hate myself for sharing my dreams with him. I hate him so much for making myself regretting so many things I left for the sake of spending more time with him. I dont even work just to fulfill his wish on spending more times for him as we couldn't during school days. I even try to make him happy when he was frustrated over something or sad for being a loser. He was a loser and is a loser, forever. But, the saddest thing was, I was the biggest loser between us. I was a loser for giving him a chance that we could make it until the end, I was a loser for leaving all of the things I am thinking such are preparing for my exams, focusing on my studies just to give he full attention of my times yet I was the one being left. Yes, I was a loser but I would not make the second mistakes again. Look at my previous post, all of the posts connected to him. Yes, few months after we separated, I was still a loser but not him. He already found his own happiness after making a young girl in despair while the young girl still searching for her happiness which she thought was him but she was wrong all the time. Thus, I was making a decisions which I would not give a chance to any guy to change the way I am now and make me forget about all the dreams and planning but instead make me focus on it more. A love between man and woman are a miracle in the beginning but without a care handle, it will be waves crashing. When you are having relationship, think and learn and understand. He might not be the one for you and she is too but with a little encouragement and understanding, perhaps you could make it until the end. By the end, I mean until the day both of you die together or growing old together, perhaps.

My only wish was I really hope I could undo the time and do the right things instead of living in regret like this. Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Bye assalamaualaikum

Kind Of... // Tuesday, 18 October 2016
At times like this, While I am sitting in this room,
Facing my black laptop that played a sentimental song,
I kind of reminding back the memories both of us created
The memories that gives me a tiny chance to have a beautiful dream.

Kind of missing cooking for him,
Ever since I went to studies,
Ever since we both separated,
I kind of missing cooking dishes for him
Because back to the days we were together,
Even if he is just joking about cooking,
I'll immediately cooks for him because its strange
I am so happy cooking a meal for him

The smile I used to have whenever I cooked for him,
When I cut the slices, when I pour oil,
You know.... that beautiful feelings.

When the dishes is done,
I wrapped it for him in a tupperware,
Even doing that make me so happy
When he come by to my house to take my dishes,
And when he said "its delicious" even he might be lying,
I am still happy because I just felt happy doing that for him.

Am I really in love with him?

Those beautiful memories,